Yesterday's girl

[Bethany]

Sitting in the darkness, mascara runs on her face
Her hair is limp, her grace is gone..
her lipsticks paled, and cracking now
her nose is slightly runny
her arms and legs are bruised and cut
her nail polish is chipping
her cocktail dress so neat and clean
now wrinkled, torn and dirty
her feet are blistered and sore
from her drunken stumble dance
her trembling hands touch beat down carpet
carpet that feels like she does
old and abuse, torn and battered
leaning back against the wall,
she can hear the sound of mice
perhaps making their home there
and shes jealous... where is her home?
where is the love she's longing for
the love she thought she earned last night
in her drunken, clumsy naked dance
she cant even remember his name
she wipes her smeared lipstick,
and tosses the bottle away.
She's nothing special to him now
Nothing to the world
As she gets up and stumbles for the door,
Her youth is gone, and with it her appeal,
She thinks with disgust of the men she passed up
all with families while she's alone
one night stand after one night stand,
she doesn't mean a thing to them...
She's simply yesterday's girl.

[morbid]

I like it Jenn, but I also try to help because Poetry is my forte
1)To long half through I kinda got bored. I like the "story" as depressing as it seems but I'm use to that read my poems.
2) I don't feel a flow with it I am use to rhyming and If I don't have a rhyme I still make it flow. again good job hope to read more

[Venus]

Jenn that is fantastic, it doesn't rhyme and there is a name for that sort of poem just cant think of it at this time. I can see alot in that would refleck what happens in peoples everyday lives <3

[morbid]

A poem does not need to rhyme, however it should have a rhythm
It has to feel good when it slips off the tongue..
I have a penchant for rhyming, I have rhymed since I was a toddler... it is a very hard habit to break.

Also, they do need to be phonologically and syntactically over structured, make use of ornaments and rhetorical devices if they are to be of high quality. You can write poems that are in 'blank verse' i.e. they are metered but lack end rhyme.

[Bethany]

A poem does not need to rhyme, however it should have a rhythm
It has to feel good when it slips off the tongue..
I have a penchant for rhyming, I have rhymed since I was a toddler... it is a very hard habit to break.

Also, they do need to be phonologically and syntactically over structured, make use of ornaments and rhetorical devices if they are to be of high quality. You can write poems that are in 'blank verse' i.e. they are metered but lack end rhyme.


Lol. I dont care about all that nonsense, poetry is art, and art needs no structure. you can pick it apart all you like, but at the end of the day, it is what it is. ive written some more... rhymey stuff, im not really a fan of that type of writing, it feels forced to me.

[Fairy]

I think it flows anyways.

[SuRfsUp]

talented :) i loved it

[crimsoninferno]

A poem does not need to rhyme, however it should have a rhythm
It has to feel good when it slips off the tongue..
I have a penchant for rhyming, I have rhymed since I was a toddler... it is a very hard habit to break.

Also, they do need to be phonologically and syntactically over structured, make use of ornaments and rhetorical devices if they are to be of high quality. You can write poems that are in 'blank verse' i.e. they are metered but lack end rhyme.

I love you and all Will, but this poem was definitely striking. As for constructive criticism, I don't have much because it is a free verse poem. A free verse (which is what I tend to do with nearly all of my work) has no rhyme or meter to it, but it is still poetry. Jenn is right in that poetry by the end of the day is a work of art and it all depends upon how it makes you feel. Poetry is about how it engages you and this poem did just that for me. My only critique would probably be grammar at best, and possibly breaking it up into stanzas with one liners in between that would give a chill to it, and that is all. I love the story very much.

[morbid]

I love you and all Will, but this poem was definitely striking. As for constructive criticism, I don't have much because it is a free verse poem. A free verse (which is what I tend to do with nearly all of my work) has no rhyme or meter to it, but it is still poetry. Jenn is right in that poetry by the end of the day is a work of art and it all depends upon how it makes you feel. Poetry is about how it engages you and this poem did just that for me. My only critique would probably be grammar at best, and possibly breaking it up into stanzas with one liners in between that would give a chill to it, and that is all. I love the story very much.

bah all against me :(

[crimsoninferno]

bah all against me :(

No, you are just upset because I trump you in my critique. Hahaha